Stress and a Loss of Control


I’ve been extremely stressed out lately.  As you may know, I left my teaching job in June.  As in, my teaching career is over.  It just wasn’t for me – I love the children, but I can’t stand the politics and micro-managing. The administration wasn’t treating us teachers like professionals, we were being treated like 5 year old – we had no choices in how or what we taught our children and if we tried to get creative it was looked down upon.  Also, since I live in Wisconsin, we the teachers were the scapegoats for everything and anything that was going wrong with the economy in the state. It was extremely demoralizing to feel that the majority of the population thought I was a money-hungry idiot with a job a monkey could do (because honestly, some of the comments I’ve heard/seen indicate that people think that way about teachers).  I left my career and will be going back to school in September to earn another B.S., this time in Health Care Administration.

However, that means that right now I am unemployed. I’ve been applying for jobs for months. I’ve had half a dozen interviews. Nothing.  (Well, I have a ‘potential’ offer for employment from a company, but I have to make it into training and through training first….long story. And the job isn’t well-paid nor does it come with benefits because it’s a max of 25 hours a week.)

What’s most stressful to me is that my insurance coverage ends August 31.  Then, if I don’t have a job with insurance benefits, I have to go on my fiance’s insurance and it’s going to cost a lot.  A LOT. Like, it’s the worst insurance coverage I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s high deductible AND high premium. No prescriptions covered at all until the very high deductible is met.  This means that, with my diabetes, I will be forking over thousands of dollars in just a couple months, to meet that deductible – because let’s face it, 5 boxes of test strips and 3 bottles of insulin a month aren’t cheap. Oh and the pump supplies….

I wouldn’t be stressed about this at all if I wasn’t diabetic. After all, I do have some money saved.  Enough for a non-diabetic to stretch and make last a year or maybe even two.  For me? A year at best and I’ll be broke, with no back-up savings or anything.

So…..as stated before, I’m stressed. I’m scared. I’m worried.

And the stress is taking a toll on my blood sugars. Before moving into our new apartment earlier this month, I went through a two week period where my blood sugars were almost all above 200, no matter how much insulin I gave myself. It’s like there was a constant battle in my body between the insulin and stress hormones, and the insulin got it’s ass kicked.  Now my blood sugars have come down a bit – but not much. My 30 day average is 161.

In the past year and a half I’ve gotten used to an average around 120 or 130, max.  So this is a big deal for me.

My retinopathy has been acting up again, and no wonder.

I just want this stress and worry to go away. I don’t want to feel so depressed all day as I sit at home, glumly applying for job after job after job.

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One thought on “Stress and a Loss of Control

  1. As my Mama always told me this too will pass. I am with you. I just wonder if it will pass. I have not worked for 8 years. I have a lot of problems and was unable to continue to work. I have been trying to get disability for those 8 Years. I am on my husbands insurance, which is better than a lot, but when you are taking 15 different prescriptions, plus diabetic supplies there is way more month than money. I just don’t know how much longer that will last either. Just because we don’t have a job does not make the doctor and hospital bills go away. They keep coming. But there is one thing I do know and that is God will take care of us if we will let him. He feed the birds and animals so I know he will supply all my needs. He died on the cross for my sins and millions of others and He will take care of us. You will be in my prayers.

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